Most of us, including me, would like to enter into another (or first) meaningful relationship. The key word here is meaningful. We need to be comfortable with who we are, and with being alone, before we go searching for a partner in life.

               Before we start a meaningful relationship, we have to learn to like ourselves. Until we can do that, we wouldn't be able to love someone else. If we want real love, then we need to have enough self-confidence, and self-respect to unconditionally accept the other person for who they are. That doesn't mean we have to be conceited, just that we respect, and trust ourselves, while accepting the fact that we aren't perfect and we can never be that perfect as we desire. A side benefit to this is that we will be more relaxed, and comfortable around other people, and so are more likely to attract members of the opposite sex.

               Being alone is not necessary a bad thing. The general consensus seems to be that if we are alone, we must be lonely, but the two are not the same thing. If you are divorced, separated, or have ended a good relationship, then think back, weren't there times that you wished you where single, because the relationship was preventing you from doing some of the things you want to do. So, now is your chance to do them. Whatever it is that you felt your relationship was stopping you from doing, you are free to do now. There's nothing stopping you. Sure, you may have financial obligations, and maybe children to consider, but the point is, while we are single we might as well take advantage of it, and learn to be comfortable with it.

               If we can be comfortable with being alone, and with who we are, the next section will probably take care of itself, but I'll touch on it anyway. We have to be careful not to search too desperately for love, but instead we should just be open to it. Don't fall in love with being in love! Let's enjoy being single. We can go on dates, make new friends, and just go out, and have a good time, without expecting everyone we meet to fall in love with us, or even want to date us. Accept people for who they are, and just enjoy their company. Eventually we'll meet that someone special.

               It's especially tempting after a breakup to go out and find someone else to love. That's like getting a new puppy to replace the one that got ran over by a truck. Don't do it! If friendship develops into something more, that's great, but be careful not to use someone to fill the emptiness you might feel now. That type of relationship is almost guaranteed to fail.

               It may seem like I'm saying that we should avoid relationships altogether. That's not the case, what I'm trying to say is that, we need to be content with ourselves so that we avoid getting into a relationship that's based on something other than love.

               OK, now that we've accomplished that, how do we go about finding the perfect match? Where can we find this person? The usual advice seems to be at malls, libraries, bars, and any other place that has a lot of people. Unfortunately even if our perfect match is at these places when we are, odds are against us meeting them. Instead take dance classes, join a club, take a course, or just about anything that you might be interested in, as long as it includes other people. Put yourself in a situation that's going to enable you to meet people with similar interests, and at the very least you'll make some new friends. Don't do these things with the sole intention of finding someone to fall in love with, instead use it as an opportunity to have some fun, and make new friends as truly said by someone, “Enjoy your life as much as you can till you are single, because becoming single once again is very painful.”


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